yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
