she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
