Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
