He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
