Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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