Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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