his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
