hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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