I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
