She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
