i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
