so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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