I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
