its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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