Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
