my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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