this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
