whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
