She said her name was "party"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
