Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he shaved USA in his pubs
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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