I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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