if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
