I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
