I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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