absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
our cab driver is having phone sex.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
