So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
