Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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