He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
