Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize