I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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