I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
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