We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Randomize
