I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
