i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
