Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just blew my weed a kiss
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just high enough for therapy.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
