You really coming over, don't trick.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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