so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
should my penis look like a turkey
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
