She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
