i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
