I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
