OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
