jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
