NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
