somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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