I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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