This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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