Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
