my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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