Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
