saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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