Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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