Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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