I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize