I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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