We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
