I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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