I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
