if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
