How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
