i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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