Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
