There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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