Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
