your parents love me but you hate me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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