The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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