I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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