I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
