i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
