My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
