it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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