Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
