In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
