There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
