He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
