Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize