We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
