soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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