Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
