Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
