I faked an abortion last night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
