i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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