someone threw a dead crab at me
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
