It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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