ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
