the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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