i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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