Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
