So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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