While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You ruined the universe
Randomize