Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
